Approval...

I read a really cool bit in the Bible today... John 5 (can't remember the verse), Jesus says, "Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me, because I know you do not have the love of God in your hearts." It never really stood out to me like it did today. Often we captialise on not caring if you don't have people's approval... but what about not caring if you DO have their approval? Just as we shouldn't be shaken by someone else's disapproval, we shouldn't get co-dependent or even affected by someone else's approval. We should only be concerned with pleasing our Father's heart...

Gosh that sounds preachy. I don't even know if it was really the Holy Spirit speaking to me, or if it was just my own thoughts. I opened up to a verse in Joel about repenting and fasting and that 'felt' more like it was God speaking to me. And then I read a chapter in the book I'm reading at the moment, "When God Writes Your Love Story" about laying down your whole life... and THAT really felt like God was speaking to me. It didn't feel very 'nice', but it's something I believe God was speaking to me about. But what does it REALLY mean to lay down your life for God? Is it just a state of the heart? Say, for instance, my playstation. How do I 'lay that down' for God? I went thru a whole thing before where I felt like God was telling me to get rid of it, or sell it or whatever - very painful, and frustrating - and after some counselling, we came to the conclusion, that it was just my subconscious or something, and it was never God in the first place. So, after going with that for a while, I found I was getting closer to God, I didn't really want to play the playstation that much, anyway, and now, I'm starting to songwrite again. So, if I don't have to 'get rid of it', how do I 'lay it down', because I still feel like it's taking a higher place in my heart than God sometimes. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just the devil trying to get me focussed on something else. But I do know this - I want God to have all my heart, and I don't want anything to come before him. I want him to own every part of my life, and I want to be completely surrendered to him. Because, I know then, that I will have complete fulfillment in that anyway. When God owns our entire life, when everything is surrendered to him... I am completely content, satisfied and fulfilled.

Maybe if I just keep that heart, then everything else will fall into place. Yeah... I like the sound of that...

I am the champion, I am the champion...

I won! I won! Hooray hooray!

I am going into the Younique grand fianle!

I did hear a rumour that the grand prize is an iPod. Hope so. Wouldn't mind one of those, speshly since I'm a dedicated mac user now. Well, trying it out, anyway.

Oh, I sang a song I wrote AGES ago, "I Can't Live Without You" or you could just call it the co-dependent love song.

Girl
You mean everything to me
And without you I can't see
Anything good about me
And if you left me
I would surely pass away
Just like a fading flower
You give me power
To go on

And I can't live without you
And I, I really like you
And I, I hope you like me too
'Cos you didn't say hello to me
When I said hello to you tonight
And so I'm a bit afraid you don't like me anymore

I like your hair
And I like to stare
At your hair
In the moonlight
You make me smile
You make me laugh
And I love to watch you
When you're in the ba...

(I can't sing that...)

Bu...tterflies well up in my stomach

[chorus]

People say I'm just co-dependent
But they don't understand how I feel for you
I know I love you, cos I can feel it in my soul
I know this is meant to be, this is my destiny

[chorus]
'Cos you didn't say goodbye to me
When I said goodbye to you tonight
And you've pretty much ignored me most of the night
So I'm pretty sure you don't like me anymore

What a sad song. I was pretty shocked that I won, actually. I thought more people would've voted for the more 'spiritual' act, but there you go. So now I'd like to do something really really good for the grand final.

I've been looking at Bethany Dillon's website tonight. Very good website. I love her journals - her spiritual journey really inspires me. I think I'd like to be a singer/songwriter kinda thing. I reckon it'd be really cool to go round to churches and stuff, singing songs I wrote, talking about them to people, letting them be inspired by them, but I don't sing all that well... so I need a wife/gf so I can do stuff like that with her. So if you're young and single, female and a singer, and feel called to do something like that, maybe you're meant to marry me.

ARGH! How desperate does that sound? Just as well I'm only semi-serious. :p

But yeah, Beth's journals, really inspire me. I have so much deeper in God to go. I'm sure his message to me is still to 'spend more time with him'. I just get so apathetic, so complacent. I know now that God was never telling me to 'sell' or 'get rid of' my playstation or anything. Yet, sometimes, it's so easy to just go to that instead of spending time with him. Or MSN. Or just anything else. Why am I so afraid to draw near to him?

The beauty of God, though, is he doesn't force us into a relationship with him. He doesn't demand that we give things up so we can spend more time with him, rather, he just loves us, woos us, draws us with everlasting, everloving cords of kindness... =) I must look that verse up...

"I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with cords of kindness..."

I love that about God. How he 'draws' us, not ... 'forces' us. 'Cos I know, I just can't respond to that. It's gotta come from my heart. I can't just do something 'cos I'm told to. But he conditions our hearts, so we naturally want to do what he tells us to...

"I will write my laws on your heart..." (somewhere in the Bible)

Okay, well, I'll leave it at that, because this is already really long. I'm surprised I wrote so much in such a short time. I hope this blesses someone.

Love,
the gregglesaurus.

It's a beautiful day

How gentle is the rain
That falls softly on the meadow
Birds high up in the trees
Serenade the flowers
With their melodies...

=)

It's such a beautiful rainy day outside. But how can I say that, I haven't even been out there! Let me open my blind...

Ah... there we go. Niice. Beautiful grey... the sound of rain... oh, it's just lovely!

I have taken a bold step and tried to cut over completely to Mac. And let me say, it's a really nice feeling to just have my beautiful 17 inch iMac on my desk. Having a PC and Mac side by side... just gets too cluttered. I have stacks more space on my desk now. I've even managed to make room for the printer that Sarahanne kindly donated to me - which perfectly matches my Mac decor - and for which I still need to get a printhead!

This must be something like Feng Shui... without the spiritual side. I definitely agree though, that the placing of objects in your living environment can definitely affect you at least mentally and emotionally, and give you a sense of balance.

All I need now is an easier way to turn on my sound... without having to reach over to my mixer desk and stereo. I'd leave my mixer desk on, but it might use lots of electricity.

While I'm on the subject of Macs - I downloaded a little plug-in called 'Growl' last night. It's great! It makes customised alerts appear on your screen - for instance, when someone signs in on MSN (or aMSN, which I use), you can set it up so a really sexy looking popup thing comes up at the bottom of your screen - kinda like a music video... and you can do the same with itunes as well! How cool is that...

I just wish I had little buttons on my keyboard to control itunes... I wonder if I can set up some hot keys on my "F" keys.

However will I get my clothes washed today? Hopefully Mummy will be kind enough to let me use her dryer. I should buy a dryer. But they use lots of electricity too. But I'd only use it in emergencies or when it's raining. Like today.

K, that'll do for now. I'll try and write more often.

I need to spend more time with God.

PS This entry was originally published on my MSN Space, but for some reason, it doesn't allow for paragraphs... and I can't blog without paragraphs!!!!!!